How to say 'no' without tearing someone apart
Posted: 2012-Jul-03 14.51.41 UTC+0800
Updated: 2017-Apr-24 00.45.01 UTC+0800
Updated: 2017-Apr-24 00.45.01 UTC+0800
Out of all the words in the dictionary, no matter what language it is, there is only one word that guys dread to hear when they ask the girl of their dreams out on a date... "no"
Ouch! That has probably got to hurt. Not only on the part of the guys, but the girls as well. Men may not believe this, but it is harder for us ladies to reject than they think. Because of our sensitivity to other's emotions and our natural kindness, as we all like to think we have, we have difficulty finding the right words to "let them down gently".
My oh my, what are we to do? We can start by facing the fact that no matter what you say or how nice you say it, he will be hurt in one way or another. Who wouldn't get hurt when they get busted? It is an inevitable experience! So instead of worrying about breaking his heart, think of how big a piece will you be ripping out.
Here are some tips on how to say no without tearing someone apart:
1. Be polite — Your mama taught you to say 'thank you' and this is your chance to use it again. Always start with "Thank you" and "I'm flattered" then go to the 'but's. Oh! And don't forget to end it with a 'sorry'.
2. Tell the truth — There's really no use lying to him. If you're dating someone else, already have a boyfriend, not allowed to have any relationships at the moment, or simply too caught up in your schoolwork then tell him! He has no choice but to accept.
3. Not the whole truth — If you don't want to go out with him because of his looks, do not, I repeat, do not flat out say "Pangit ka kasi!" or "Hindi kita type!" Guys have feelings too, remember? Keep in mind that being "physically attracted" to someone is part of a relationship, so you can just explain that you don't feel a strong connection with him and it would be unfair to him if you couldn't reciprocate his feelings.
4. Don't play hide-and-seek — If you know that the guy will ask you out, don't hide behind your friend. You look silly because you're too big to be hiding behind anyone. Instead of avoiding him, it's better to face him straight up so that you can get it over with and it shows that you appreciate his asking rather than being disgusted by him.
5. Don't play safe — Do you want to be a headless chicken running around with no clue what you are doing? That is how it is like if you keep saying "no" in a very vague manner. If you're not interested, don't play safe and say things that can lead him to think that you like him too. i.e. "I like you, but this isn't the right time for me, maybe after college." Yeah, try that line and you might end up with a stalker actually waiting for you till you graduate. Be nice but not too nice.
6. Avoid rejecting someone in public — One of the greatest things that a man cannot afford to lose is his pride, so as much as possible do not reject him in front of people, especially his friends. Doing that is just adding insult to injury.
7. Friends than lovers — If he's your friend and he wants more out of your relationship, you can always say what you really feel like how you see him more of a brother than a boyfriend or how you don't like to get into relationships with your friends because it gets too complicated. He may be hurt and go all dramatic on you, but if he really became friends with you without the intention of getting close to you just to date you in the first place, then he can live with that. If the only reason why he is friends with you is just so you can fall in love with him, then he should already know the consequences.
8. Feel the person — No, I don't mean literally feel him. Be the sensitive young woman that you are by being considerate of his feelings. After all, it takes a lot of courage to go up to the one you like and pop the question. Wait for his reaction and if he feels sad, then comfort him a little. And don't go telling everyone on campus on how pathetic he was when he asked you, that is just not cool.
Those are eight of the basic tips. Again, they don't guarantee that he'll be heartbreak-free, but it will help cause minimal damage and that's the least you can do for someone who admires you. Good luck!